The Journal of Provincial Thought
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diamond 1 luminanceDiamond 2 Pigasus
from private reserve copyright 1978-2011
The Book of Wine & Seizures
by WC Smith Illustrated by Otz
Book 18: The Multitude of Sportsters Devour'd
1. The First Legend of the World..................pp. 1-3
2. A Fatalidy Dunk Affordeth Sport...............pp. 3-5
3. Word Concerning Men as a Meal.............pp. 5-6
Indectic .......................................................p. 7
Chapter 1 pointer, top
The Multitude of Sportsters Devour'd
ow upon Infestros—this being the name I have bestewn unto this termitic plank of found mushboard (an wood consume’d of the termytes, & beweevild, & wormdrillt,
& birdpeckerd, & shot with moldy rotts)—I do carve these inscribings concerning mine own excepsionel tilts & ventures.  Littel shall ye wonder, an none of it endure.  But if an it endure and drift upon the ages and arrive e’en unto your shore, then surely ye shall understand the gods in their manner, their lean to the miraculis, who might cause e’en mushwood to survive.  For goddage holdeth unto the weird aspect, and the plain things are run right weird; and those things which wud not survive, the same in the wrench of gods will surely make it, as like as other things which make it witouts the wrench of gods for that they are things, the such as mountains, which wud survive.

            Then upon the carvingplank Infestros inscribe I, Lucastrus the Mung, Envisioner of Ripe Thighs and Votary to the Holy Joke (being titles which adher-ed upon me in the tavern callt YE HOLY JOKE), and Unworthy Votary to the Holy Yoke (being title supercedent when that the Edicts of Cleaning did transmogrofix our tavern, becoming it SWEET EMBRACES: A TEMPLE OF THE HOLY YOKE)—I being callt also by my woman Sad Catch, and by bill of indictment Fellemellerin the Poxrobber, as I number among the numbre which went arobbing when that the pox laid upon Nader, pox so vitiating that lush city’s protexiens that good men brake neath the urge to go down and rob her.  (Neither wot I whence came Fellemellerin that they unto the Poxrobber did cojoin; the Divisien of Indictoments alway proceedeth in confusian.)  Yet with the spoils came too the pox on those that jaunted down; and I say unto thee, that were last among my needs!  But, I am substantial recover’t.    

            Now as I was arobbing out in Nader, accumulating historica (my passien)—having laden my burro at ARTSIFACT SHACK, and having been pursued by dogs at RELIC REALM, and now arobbing down at MORNING'S FALSE LIGHT:  HOME OF HISTRY—through the rackstacks I seen an old curator playing peeks-&-boos with me, and awinkerdinkling with a certain grand parchment, as in making to obscure it amongst a mess of institutionel debits & duns in the commerse hopper.  And I says Ho, now here I have me something, yon scroll in play—hap an early inking of Venus, Gown Down—something swanke, a catch, a purseright take-on.  And I trackt him down in the dust, and took him, and says, Give me that.

            And in him terrer & reason sped together; for seeing in mine eyes life and something more, he went with the wisdem of his years, saying, Here, then, take the thing.  And he desire-ed also to say me, Cease from mayham; But that he did not say.

Lucastrus the Mung

Lucastrus the Mung Copyright 2011 Otz

2 The Book of Wine & Seizures

            And I reach-ed into the commerse hopper and snatcht the scrolle, and rippt away its majestic seals, and thray it ope.  But behold, neither greetend mine eyes the gowndown goddiss radiant & raw, gnay, nor none other epiphanol visien par depictii illustrati inkh, but there in stead the First Legend of the World enscriben all in the combobulous grammars of mystic lingos, and also some scrollbugs.  And I seen the curater clench & bare his teeth, that I shud with my robber’s eyes be viewing upon the Prime Legend.  Therefore in his sight opend I mine eyes e’en larger upon’t, for more seeing.  And I swabbd the spittle of zeal from my cheek and said, This were prettie goode, this Legend here; but this meaneth that I needs must become a Scholar, now, to read this.  Zound!  I sortied hither but to make filch, sad cracker I am; yea what?—runn-ed right upon a call to academie.

            For when that the gods land Legend in thy lapf, what dost thou?  Marry, thou masterest it, for ’tis unto thee of the gods, who do want that they want and do arrange that they arrange, and make merder upon him that swingeth another way.  Might not some future friar take his enlightenment upon this history’s Legend that today thou masterest and passest on?  Might not he rise upon the earth, and this stuff be his base?  ’Tis august avocatien to take it up in mystry and render it unto terms recognise’d in today’s studious eye.  Some coming friar hath waiting a career in the Histry chase.  ’Tis a gift worth giving him, such coreer, from a devoted scribingman of nowtimes unto the greatfriar of ’omorrow:  so saith even the gentle spirit seduce’t into robbery by the pox.

            More over, the gods which we adore are adamant in their gaze, fixt in their game, twisted tight in their will, hammers poisd, for to have the Legend propagatend.  What may I against such excitements as they conduct?  They have snare-ed me in my greed, and have seen me seeing this docoment that I thoght privately convertibol, and so have burdend me with duty.  To hate the gods will work me no release, tho it serve mine entertainoment.

            Therefore rode I over to Universidy and paid a tuisien of molybdenum, and from the jolly provost took my Certifigot of Adequates that same morn, as those registrarians rush-ed me through alongsides an thousands other seeklins aquesting after competence.  Few indeed were there among us who cud muster the moly for high title, those rich ayearning to be reckond more.  The most of us, we were certifacted Adequate to be scholars, & poets, & gazateers, & shamans, & bailiffs, & soothsayers, & physiciens, and buzzardcursers, and donkey conkers & whattenotte.  But there strode also those monied striders taking grander certifaxien, nor as Adequates, but as Moguls, & Celebradies, & Overcitisens, & Thoght Commanders, & Victimizers, and Power’d Establishers.  And the muchmost riche, who fetcht o’er to the registrarians trains of treasures, they matterd most, as like as did their certifigae:  the Certiffe of Luminosity in a World of Fools; the Governer’s Bunche; Solomon’s Cock, crowing of cosmic wisdems, and being that same certifigot which were callt the Solly; the Bell of Hell, that certifigot which authorizeth its receivant to waken sleeping evil whensoever evil were the answer to concerns; Bull-of-the-Walks, which were self-explaint; and such other as the provost or the monied applicant feeld were appropriot.

            Piff; who needen such much ostentatiery as all that?  As well to come rattling gourds before a man’s face and crying, View me, and know of my purse!  Verily, those kept aloof in self-fascinatien, those riche & cold, lifes lacking of the grip & grapple of the sweltring common lot

The Multitude of Sportsters Devour'd 3

who are we the humen fraternidy in main, they missen so muche of the organical heart’s-pulse of young days at Universty, thinkst thou not so?  Yea, give me mine Adequates, says I.  Let me live.  Stand me neither among those high-titlers, trappft there in garish vocatien and hopping through haughty regima that men and gods abhor.  Standing in the Adequates line, I fount no appeal in that, and was wont to deride the lofties, who by & by are alway claimt by the devil, and go with him to burn like as blowe torches till the unoverse involute and all things commense anew.  

            And the clerk of the provost said unto me, This certifigot that thou hast earnt, hit expireth every year, and needs must be refresht here, upon thy remittence of tuishin—the which, thou shalt find, groweth ever taller.  Now (saith he), beware tempatien to ply trade widouts refresht certifigot.  Brimming are the jails with those become false scholars by lapser, who practist on tho their certifigots were playn out.

            And I assur-ed unto the clerk, I am certin to return.  Tho thoght I, For jail, one needs first be netted.  For of course I did reck that I unto them had remittend enogh sweet moly for now & for ever.

            And I took up those scriptiens which providence had gifted into my trust, they being the First Legend of the World; and guy’d by mine educasien, and serdified to have and to spread knowledge, commens-ed I mine exegesis and translingosis of them.  And behold, the calligerfy glew with a divine emanance, being struck in the bloods of zephyrs & sfinxen, as any scholar wud discern.  And also of unicorn fetus.  And I did read with intensity, and perfectnd into a system of inferences, and puncht out with a stick those passages which displeasd me.  And I commenst to infuse into the texts mine own considerabol knowings, and mine own inspirasiens outen lyfe’s universidy of bangs, and the art of mine own soul, with a fluency imitative of the fluency of mine uncle who was a warrier poetist werowulf, who now is a beauticien in the service of the Govner’s Bunche.

            Here so the Chapiter which I have grace-ed for the ages upon the mushboard Infestros, which board came down to me upon a sliding of mud that by the gods was triggert neath the mountaintop latrine of Babba Modo’s Wine Communidy (where dwell all those married to wine, who have found inconveniens in life elsawheres), upon which mushboard I have terpreted the First Legend, that fewcher friars might stand upon and walk this plank unto their enlighted arising.  And that grand old scrolle which first came touting its versien which was primidiv, it servd for enwrapping fish’s viscera & such, and was casted over the wall; for that which the gods have scriben hath by them been shewn anew, through one man’s thievery compoundend with educasien.  Here so:

Clerk of the Provost
Clerk of the Provost copyright 2011 Otz

grape leaves- end Ch 1

point downWhere bad bozoids go Good people point to top reread this Others travail on point right to Ch 2
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Copyright 2011- WJ Schafer & WC Smith - All Rights Reserved