jptArchive Iss 12
lil diamond 1 iss12luminancelil diamond 2 iss12
Pigasus, JPT flying pig Iss 12, c 2008 Schafer
bird with fish naturalist logo -Issue 12The jpt Naturalist
Reference http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/1998/triton.html
"MIT researcher finds evidence of global warming on Neptune's largest moon"
jump on that pony...
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Humans Now Exporting Global Warming
to the Depths of Pristine Space

by Freddie Fondlegod
Lieutenant,
jpt Science Division

"CAMBRIDGE, Mass. ...A Massachusetts Institute of Technology researcher has reported that observations obtained by NASA's Hubble Space Telescope and ground-based instruments reveal that Neptune's largest moon, Triton, seems to have heated up significantly since the Voyager space probe visited it in 1989. The warming trend is causing part of Triton's surface of frozen nitrogen to turn into gas, thus making its thin atmosphere denser." 

Figures, doesn't it?  Another stunning indictment-and-conviction of Big Applied Science's precious technology.  When will we ever realize that it's in our genetic code to muck things up, and just knock off already with the technology fetish?  From all indications Triton was spinning along pretty-pleasie at its ideal deep-freeze temperature, far from the corrupting clutches of the man-animal, until a big, grinning, fat-hatted "howdy neighbor!" from cousin Earth came wafting in on tainted breath and sent the environment into meltdown—literally, as nitrogen ice vaporized, pressurizing the atmosphere.  "At this rate, the atmosphere has at least doubled in bulk since the time of the Voyager encounter," says MIT astronomer Professor James Eliot.  Hiss, hiss, Voyager!  Seems we can go nowhere without introducing the warming infection.  We hardly need be reminded of the ill-fated ice crystals in soil samples recently torn from the Martian surface: they melted straightway, portending on micro-scale a global fate for our red neighbor as we swarm ever more rapaciously over her.

The Triton catastrophe is already of staggering magnitude.  "The 5 percent increase on the absolute temperature scale from about minus-392 degrees Fahrenheit to about minus-389 degrees Fahrenheit would be like the Earth experiencing a jump of about 22 degrees Fahrenheit."

Finding little call to read the bulk of the MIT article, we at jpt readily conclude that, predictably, mankind's technology is exporting global warming throughout our solar system and beyond.  It follows that humanity is a viral threat to all places it might reach, and therefore must be contained; but how?  By whom? Man's attitude is anything but neighborly, anything but sensitive.  As in:  Which of you constipated little green-skinned saucer jockeys out there thinks you're up to the job?  Bring it, Beeblebrox.  We got a shiny little nucular suppository for ya right here.  Mother Earth to muther-******:  tuck your tentacled face up your ovipositor and kiss the kiddies bye-bye.  This is OUR solar system by virtue of the fact it's our sun, meaning all these planets are ours too; and when our manifest destiny brings us to the stars, by jingies, we'll be acquainting you with Scripture giving us dominion over "all the creatures of the Earth," meaning beyond the Earth as well.

.......We need to chill.  Big-time.spacer TritonHas our meddling caused these atmospheric pocks?

More cool facts about Triton
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Size & density of Pluto
Winds approach the speed of sound (yo, hang gliders)
30 times our distance from the sun, no rest stops
Atmosphere mostly nitrogen, like Earth's
Place seems deserted
Even with global warming you're gonna need
.....an overcoat & a plutonium buzz
Fightcha for the mineral rights!
jptArchive Iss 12
Copyright 2009- WJ Schafer & WC Smith - All Rights Reserved
The Journal of Provincial Thought