Dear H,
Opinions expressed by readers are theirs to court and marry. Our own scattered and humble opinions are ours to vent or to reserve quietly, as each might choose. But why do publishers of popular media have to endlessly recite this axiom? ––Did you notice in the previous issue, Angie at the letters desk was with ya? // When Gosse discovered how the universe came about, my how exceedingly agreeable to him was the answer! ––ed.

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Editor, jpt
Byron Swivet ["Cool Rules," Issue 11] made important observations that, though offered in a buoyant salute, harbor grim implications. "If hipness and cool are always perverse, disruptive, rebellious, stupid (not revolutionary), a cheerful and mindless Up Yours to the universe of Squaredom, we have all popped from the wormhole.  Cool rules, the known universe has been mapped and conquered by hip." The truth of this isn't difficult to affirm in looking about: cool, marked by the perversity, disruption, rebelliousness, stupidity and insensitivity Dr. Swivet identifies, has eclipsed virtue (at least virtue's formalities) in the national ethos and therefore now threatens societal viability. A question for discussion is whether this outcome was inevitable as cool required ever more extreme expression in order to keep cool, or whether it happened by the fortunes of an uncertain war for weak hearts and minds. Civilization was safe so long as its cool players were a relative adored-few sinners and winners. But when cool went mainstream and everyone became a legend-in-his-own-mind, out to suit himself and taking up immodest habits that made the antiheroes so tantalizing, it was a new ball game. Perhaps not revolutionary when strictly a spectator sport, cool might prove catastrophic as the fans flood onto the field, looking to get into the game.
––Thank you, James R.

Dear James,
So you're saying people have decided, Why just SEE the man when they can BE the man... Sorry you've had to experience all this. ––ed.

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Sirs,
Mr. Andromeda would long have held an honored place among my favorite historical dramatists if I had heard of him. It is thrilling to see his top-notch Jesus-chaser ["The Lazarus Affair," Issue 11] gracing your pages. A number of dramatic works have portrayed the soldier who speared Christ in the side as the sort of abusive s.o.b. you would expect to do that, but Andromeda's depiction of a mercy-killer is intriguing. It makes you think, "Would I have had the stones to spear Jesus to put him out of his misery? Would my soul be lost for my bother? (Typical.)" Then you realize,"What am I thinking? I'm one of the party of Roman soldiers out there crucifying Christ, for crying out loud! Bend over and kiss the soul so-long, end of story, no sequel." Finally you find yourself hoping you're never put in a situation like that where you have to make that call. I recommend this story because it's full of little things that make you think. ––T.May

What would happen, T, if some BIG things made you think? ––ed.

jpt Editors,
Just when I was thinking it was about time for a come-to-Jesus in jpt , you had one. Between "Lazarus" and Wine & Seizures, Issue 11 was downright spiritual! Keep on grinding 'em out!
––Love, Ann/Dallas

What the world needs now. ––ed.
You any kin to Stella Dallas? --ed. #2

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To the Editors
A tip of both my bandmaster's and stovepipe hats for the Emperor Norton's Hunch story [Issue 11]. There's always somebody out there playing a get-down Lu Watters piece by the same title. Odds are William Schafer jazzologist knows all about that. Yeah I check things out. You can even find YouTube performances online free for the watching, such as the High Sierra Jazz Band. The story put a new feel on the music. Don't you cats stop till you get enuff. ––B

The jazzologist do know. Thanks for the YouTube heads-up. We don't run reader-submitted links but a quick Google search of "Emperor Norton's Hunch" brings up those goodies you mention.
––ed.
Yeh, but do you know what "hunch" means, dude? --ed. #2

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Dear Editor,
I thought P. Loose couldn't get much looser but happily he did. He speaks of the skirmishes and flirtations of science and religion in a way not disrespectful of either or at least equally disrespectful, which calms me greatly (as I'm usually trapped somewhere between the two). The blend of curiosity, irritation, wit, letters and ale puts this course way ahead of anything I've subjected myself to against my better judgment. And there's no test at the end, which somehow makes it all easier to remember. ––Marguerite

Big M,
You'd be amazed how loose Professor Loose can get! By the by, he says there's always a test.
––ed.

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Dear jpt,
Why is Fartch Fondlegod now talking about rocket engines [Issue 11] and brain surgery [Issue 10]? We're supposed to be informed by a guy whose advice if you have to see a shrink [Issue 6] is, "don’t shriek and grin like an orangutan"? ––PhD

Dear Fud,
And why not? Look. "Mr. Marriage" Dr. Phil gets divorced now & then (which you would know if you watched your TV like someone who gives a flip). In this society the experts are the worst! It's all big business. It's reality versus theory. Fartch styles himself a "complete" reporter, writing from the heart, head and hip. Not afraid to tackle the big stories-between-the-stories. Not afraid to go out there and lay his raisins on the line every @*# day of this *#% miserable-#@*! life! And you––YOU––you come here with your blunderbuss loaded and spoilin' for bear like some &#X! Dan'l Boone off the History Chan'l, why you're not––look––why, just the idea–– What gives you–– Come in here with your nose stuck in the air–– (Look, Tommy, can we get Mr. PhD out of here?) Bye-bye, Mr. Fud. Thank you.
–– SoB, BLT, BvD & EtC

Ahhhhh.

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Amigos,
So many names for the devil in "This Forbidden Wilde" [Book 12 of The Book of Wine & Seizures, issue 11], including "The Nameless One" and in Chapter 4 "The Unknown Assailant." Proving that irony is el diablo's middle name. Is there a copy of the entire loco book available for purchase so I can take my time? I'm losing my sight from all the online reading and my mind from so much mental laughing without relief. ––S.R.

Sir
There is none. You must decide what is more important to you––sight and sanity or feeding your demons. This chic, ephemeral presentation of The Book is all there is for you who are unknown to the Author. Now, were you to take him into your hearth, come across with meat and drink and repartee, prove constant as the North Star, etc., there'd be grimy drafts & proofs at your fingertips. But do not hope too fondly for the preservation of your faculties as the ways of Wine & Seizures imprint themselves upon your brain. Whether by cotton leaf or computer screen, there will be pain. ––ed.

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Where can I get me a copy of the Book of Wine & Seizures? ––Brent

You caint. Will let you know when it hits Wal-Marts.

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Dear Editors,

There was some online chatter to the effect you were going to discontinue the Letters dept. because of the volume of garbage you must wade through. I for one urge you not to do that. "Readers Cry Out" is absolutely a part of the jpt charm and always my first stop. I would gladly volunteer to help sort through mail if it would persuade you to keep on keeping on.
––Tuppence

Even after that last bit (above)?

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Dear Editor,
I'm starting to think you cowboys might be all hat and no cattle (that's my vote for the best folk-expression ever stolen). What do I mean? Quotes, all from past jpt front pages:

"Jan. 4, wassail in for the humanity-defining Ultramagnificent New Year's Hoopla White Sale!!! where you will enjoy the environs and learn to tame all misery."

"Sep 1, a new horizon in online publishing will be opened, an amazing standard set for the new century."

"Nov. 1st, the world will learn the truth about the Journal of Provincial Thought."

"January 15, you will be issued your new Citizen ID chip and life-plan. THE JOURNAL OF PROVINCIAL THOUGHT will go deep underground"

Now, I'm a patient man who's all for second chances and seeking deeper meanings, but I start to get touchy if I think maybe my leg's being pulled out of socket. What "humanity-defining"? What "amazing standard for the new century"? What "truth" did you spring upon the world? "Citizen ID chip": missed that, was it implanted as I slept? And are you now operating "underground"? Don't take me wrong, wild horses couldn't pull me off this Journal. I'm just thinking since this isn't a Presidential election shouldn't you actually be paying some attention to the promises you're slinging around? ––City Slicker

Dear Dude,
So mistakes have been made, sometimes events have failed to play out as predicted. We're human beings here, not rubber-booted metal automatons. Nick us shaving, and do we not bleed? Caption us corny, and do we not cry? Certainly we do! Dude. There're hats 'n' cattle all over the place here. Pay not so much attention to what perchance we say, as to what else gets said in the process. Tell you what. Come back next issue and we will share with you the secret code by which the global elite identify each other. They, more than others, do read this Journal, but for reasons to be explained the code cannot be changed even though we expose it. We ask only that you use the knowledge responsibly. ––ed.

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If you'd like to join the symphony, strike off a note and pipe it to us at
hail@provincialthought.com