And passion came and creast his brow, and he orated heroicol, saying, E’en should he divine my humor by dreams and witches, and wax he viperish against me, then shall I up and kick his groin for him, and the groins of his new captains, and the groins of those clowns, and the groins of the white horses they did all ride upon.  (And he swang his foot in so speaking.)

And in that moment, his testiest lord stood upon his shoulder and said, Muhh, thou twisty filament of shittim, thou more wicked than any sin, who livest on excuses and hogg-ed glory for the deeds of other doers: Get thou unto Kreemling thy rightful Tyrant and submit. Thou shalt in fact kick no groins.  Were there groins to kick, thou knowst, I have feet; moreover, mine are well worn to the practiss.

And the shoulder of Muhh were brake whereupon the lord did stand; tho Muhh but conjexurd the breakage, having ancient feelings, which were deterioratnd.  For he were much old, having hap forgotten even to die.  And he said, Yea, lord, I will hie me straightway and submit.  Sooth, surely, I have lafft somewhat, and therefore according shall I go, to be smitten, or hung up, or prickt and toold, or spat upon copiously, or made to lie beneath scoury chickens, or to have fishes’ bones woven among the strands of my ropey neck, to hang thereby adancing amid provoke-ed wasps.  Or, hap there will issue but some token rebuke.  Tho, a man of my season oughts hit a mark above mine own shameful comport; ’tis more than any token rebuke that I have wrought due!

Now the old man had he a cart, which cart hath an good wheel that he hath bought, and a bad one that he hath made from a crate.  And he said, If an I must to go and submit, then so too shall this carryall, which I have commanded about for x-fold years, saying Go hither, tarry there under load, bear away this and that.  Yea, brother; it hath carried my cheese to the cellar, mine apples to barter, my dungues to the field, my broken neighbors to the pit.  ’Tis mine wheelie-mate, widouts the which I shall nae be going no wheres. 

snakes, and swords.  For every potentate hath a common problem, which is, the common man.  Yea, the common man oft asketh him self whether his tyrant be the kind of help worth keeping on.  Moves are known to be made; and every oppresser sitteth in high concern of such histories, being well studied of them.  Like the viper he sitteth coild, keen to preempt with sword and tiger.  So, my barrow.  Lay to no sudden motiens.  Certain, I shall do nought to give thee start; nor shall I my self set to the lurch or spasm, to the which I am of late given.

’Twere but the old story of the cartier with his carte.  Well.  Muhh hath in every wise proven him self the respecter of items.  For he hath taken the notien that even such things as sit null of expressien, as murmur not, nor make any presentment of high computasien, e’en the same might nonetheless be soul-ed beings, who might to hear every word said for & against them.  Therefore saith he, I will be wonderful before them, capturing their favor against the Final Collatien, when they shall commend me before the everstanding lords. 

And in that day (saith Muhh), these objex might rally beside me as their advocot before Providence, inasmuch as they number not among the speaking things.  Or, an the lords give them a voice up there, and mouths with succulent lips, then I might to expect, in the least of leasts, an little kiss from these articols, for my caring.  Yea, I do run me a keen ledger of balanced moralidies and calculated righteousnous down here, all ready to show before the lords in the hour that they seem willing to look, in stead of calling me names, such as twisty filament.  I keep me readied to go.  A great orchestrated flood could at any time and carry us arkless away, and there be we then all there in parridice, the readied and the nonreadied, the smug and the stunnd, all drown-ed.  ’Twill not hurt to have this cart on my side up there, after that.

Now the days of Muhh were such number that, as the incidentol discords of men insidiously accrue to wedge them irreconcilably apart notwithstanding their more abundant commonalities, therefore had Muhh in the bend & twist of things found the enemy in most peopel.  Surely were the saying of Todd the Teemster true, that Familiaridy Breedeth Contumely.  For Muhh said, I know them all—meaning, most people—and we make no thick company, neither care we for any quaint communien, with how-dost-thou and titley-tatley.  Nay, but ’tis more oft sticks & bricks among us, when we do meet.

Moreover, saith Muhh, I more than suppose that there are those who would do me away for sport, and go aboasting and adragging mine hairless head by string upon the motherdust.  And so, I will not go forth as Muhh—which I am—but will unto the Highpitcht Office of the Namechanger, and for the stretch of my journey shall I be named Esperitus the Moo.  Now some, I know, will call me Es-per-i-tus, and some will call me Esper-i-tus, the i hard or soft; and I shall greet them all with the fine silence of the sun at night.