Upon leaving the gigantic muskie, drive hell for leather south and go west of Madison, Wisconsin, to the tiny town of Mount Horeb, which includes this small store-like museum dedicated to the gods of condiments (and commerce). Admission is free, but you will end up buying something like Czech Gunpowder Mustard or Olde Englishe Olde Dogge’s Breath Mustard.  There are educational videos and displays and thousands of products relating to or being mustard, along with a newsletter, The Proper Mustard, whose title reassures:  “Yellow Journalism at Its Best.”  The proprietor, Barry Levenson, a quietly friendly man I have always denominated “Colonel Mustard” in my mind, is helpful as guide and sales advisor.  And he drives a Lamborg Weinie, adapted from an erstwhile Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.  For details of visiting see: www.mustardmuseum.com.

Artist’s jaundiced rendering of typical mustard in typical jar: