The Journal of Provincial Thought
jptArchive Issue 6
luminance
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1937 Mormon Meteor (not to be confused with the similar 1931 Marmon Meateater), with Brewster body, Carnova top in sharkskin, supercharged V-12 Allis-Chalmers engine, rumble seat, stainless steel spare tyre kits and aircraft wire wheels. Asking price:  $1.2 million.  Expected price:  $600,000.

1913 Rubric Runabout, rare monocle-windshield three-seater (with do-si-do back seat), featuring motorcycle fenders, wooden spoke wheels, giant brass headlamps (kerosene), gaudy dragon green and 'nanner yellow paint job, tonneau cover and mahogany dashboard.  Fun as second car.  Asking price:  $750,000.  Expected price:  $400,000.

1913 Rubric Runabout, W J Schafer, copyright 2007

1951 Mercury Maggot, semi-chopped 6-window coupe, sporting 350 cc. 1200 hp. Firedome V-8 with Rootes blower, no seats, 7-speed tranny, aircraft lacquer in flame red and vulva pink with silver tracing, aircraft magnesium wheels, solid gold skull shifter knob.  Looking model only—don’t drive it!  Asking price:  $350,000.  Expected price:  $130,000.

1973 Silver Zombie Roils Ross, height of personal luxury, with built-in bar, typewriter, movie theatre, boudoir and half-bath, body by Buxton, 341,000 real km. on clock, excellent condition, teal blue over faded puce.  Five doors plus overhead escape hatch.  Asking price:  $500,000.  Expected price:  $12,500 with trade-in.

1934 Alfred-Rodeo G.T., winner of the Isle of Man Grand Prix, Tuscany’s Mille Molé, the City of Manchester Spouses’ Rally, the 72 Hours of Monaco and the Iron City Sprint Car Brawl. A stunning spyder superleggerra mini-turisimo roadster—no top, no fenders, one seat, no windshield, this is driving for real men!  Goes like a scalded goat with its b*lls on fire!  Be first of the prix in your neighborhood to own a real grand prix car!  Asking price:  $1 million.  Expected price:  $75,000.

1980 Citroen Gran Lemón Coupe, rare attempt by French to make a car that can sustain Paris traffic and parking techniques, tank-like monstrosity with pneumatic suspension, a feeble 0.5 litre engine and a high-fashion body by Coty, of pink tulle and lambasted corduroy.  Windows of mirrorized aviator sunglass materials, handwoven carpets and dashboard by Heppelwhite.  Make a fashion statement in a high-security vehicle designed never to dent or overturn.  Asking price:  1.7 million nouvelle francs.  Expected price:  $350.

1980 Citroen Gran Lemon Coupe, W.J. Schafer, copyright 2007

1991 Takahashi Tornydo Z-305, thwarted attempt by Japanese carmaker to build a sports roadster from recycled aluminum beer cans.  Plenty of pickup from the 1.5 litre supercharged engine, sleek lines lifted from old blueprints of a 1955 Ferrari, the rite stuff.  Steering erratic, tends to describe large circles at inopportune moments, otherwise a dream roadster recalling the great British bolters of the 1950s, including the endearing tendency not to start on cold or damp mornings.  Asking price:  $30,000.  Expected price: $20,000 tops.

1902 Curved-Dash Frumpmobile, early attempt to make lightweight runabout, failing miserably owing to the huge steam plant bolted to the rear.  A horrendous hybrid of threshing engine and buckboard, the Frumpie, as it was nicknamed, became an object of derision and of coarse ragtime songs (“In My Fruity Frumpmobile,” “Get Out and Push Your Frumpie,” etc.) before the Scranton factory burned to the ground mysteriously on New Year’s Day, 1903.  Not for undedicated mechanix or collectors lacking serious OCD.  Asking price:  $50,000.  Expected  price:  $1200.

1959 Kustom Kavalier Hearse, unique vehicle designed and built by West Coast auto wizard Don Surfcurl for the hit TV creepy-comedy series, The Baddams Family (1959-66).  Starred in 305 episodes, alongside Karl Borzloff, Yvonne de Karlo and Karlo Marx.  Sports 305 hp engine with rooty-toot exhaust system, cowbell and diesel locomotive siren.  Tinted glass.  Seats eleven, or five upright and one corpse.  Restored to immaculate glory, painted dull grey and zoom black.  Asking price:  $65,000.  Expected price:  $10,000 at best.

jptArchive Issue 6

Copyright 2008- WJ Schafer & WC Smith - All Rights Reserved

KOOKY KAR KLASSIX
for outrageous prices to people w/ way more money than sense
antique and one-of-a-kind vehicles at auction
Lifelike painting, author in frilly red dress, early auto
By Venica vom Schliegel
Pigasus the JPT flying pig, copyright 2008 William J. Schafer